Baldy's Comb: Experience#1 - Hey Raam

I was 2 weeks into my stint at Ajmer…it was 10 in the night…and me and 4 of my salesmen (Deepak, Hemant, Nandu and Praksh) were still at the distributor point. Suddenly, Deepak comes up with an idea:

Deepak:’Boss Yahan pass main hi ek Mela laga hai…aaj wahan khana khane chalen??’

Me (extremely tired…but tired even more of having restaurant food for 2 weeks):’Mele main khana…kya keh raha hai bhai?’

Deepak:’Boss langar lagta hai na mele main…chalo wahin khana khate hain aaj’

Ok..I think the only time I’ve been to a Langar was that time of my life that has been erased off my memory…Basically, I’ve heard that Gurdwara langars are amazing…and have heard people saying that “langar ki daal ka jawab nahi”…but the closest I’ve come to eating at one, is the ‘Been there done that look’ I give when people talk of what a heavenly experience it is to eat at a langar…you know, it’s the look all of us prudes have perfected, so that we don’t come across as fragile little rich kids who’ve never seen and enjoyed the ‘real life’
Me (The hungry me shouting yes): ‘Acha…chalo chalte hain (not wanting to look like a BOSS who thinks its below his dignity to eat at a langar)

Deepak to the other 3:’Abe chalo…langar pe…boss bhi aa rahe hain’

So we set off…all the thought about the langar had made me forget that it’s a mela too. And just like a langar…I don’t remember being to a real mela…so I ask Deepak:

Me: ‘Abe ye mela kya hai…kyun hota hai?’
Deepak:’Boss Sindhiyon ka mela hai…aaj last din hai’

Me:’Abe…sindhiyon ka hai…maana…but kyun hai…kis khushi main?’
Deepak:’Boss Sindhi lagate hain ye mela har saal’

Me(extremely irritated):’Abe saaale…sindhi koi c***** hain kya jo ek din uthte hain aur kehte hain chalo mela lagaenge…reason kya hai???’
Deepak:’Boss, kisi guru ki punyatithi hoti hai’

Ahhhh…finally…an answer…but as soon as I got the response, I looked around and we were entering the mela. It’s tough to describe the scene…it was surreal…it was the typical Mela from a typical early 90’s bollywood movie…loads of people…in traditional Rajasthani dresses…crowding a t various game tables and trying their hand at it. The games ranged from shooting balloons, to throwing a ring over different products (the products on the table were mostly soaps…and Prakash had a great idea that we can improve sales by ensuring that the guy oprating the game only used Lever’s soaps!!), betting on a dice…the works. There were people singing, people offering camel rides, people enjoying ‘kala khattas’…people forgetting their worries and having fun….you could feel the energy in the air!!

Walking on we reached a place where a hoard of people were gathered behind one of those sliding grill gates, which was closed and guarded by 2 people on the other side. The crowd on our side was growing every minute, people getting restless…shouting…pushing…

Deepak:’Late ho gaye…ab 10 minute lagenge’
Me(I think I got what he meant…I just didn’t wanna accept it):’kis cheez ke liye late ho gaye…kya keh raha hai?’

Deepak:’Arre boss, yei hai langar…darwaze ke uss taraf…abhi ek lot hai logon ka andar…jab who kha ke uthenge…gate khulega…aur hum andar jaenge. Mere khayal se humara last lot hoga…fir langar band’

Ohhk…so that’s why people are pushing to be at the front…there is limited capacity and no one wants to be left out!! Great…here I am…an HUL BLT…earning enough to eat out everyday…and now I shall fight for food…awesome!

I turned to look at the others…and they had an excited look..a look of challenge on their faces…as if it’ll be so much fun…to squeeze through this crown n get in…I didn’t get it. Well, I was playing ‘down to earth boss’ today, so couldn’t let anything show…so we carried on making small talk…a push here and a shove there…when suddenly, the gates opened….

For a moment I drifted back to the first time I boarded a local train in bombay…technically, I didn’t contribute much to the act of me boarding…the crowd just swept me in….
Deepak (shouting): ‘Boss chalo chalo…jaldi aao..’
Back to my senses…I rushed in…unlike the typical hindi movie…I made it well in time and the door didn’t close immediately after…sorry to disappoint

Anyways, once inside, I was instructed to take off my shoes and then go sit…sit where you ask…well, there were several rows of green carpet on the floor, interspersed with empty spaces. Simple arrangement, people sit on the carpet..the people serving food walk in the empty lanes. So another race began to catch a place before it becomes too cramped…well my salesmen had already done that for me…but having underestimated my size…kept just a little space…so I had to sit cross-legged with both my knees brushing my colleagues’ on either side.
Alright…the tough part is over mann…time for some food…and instantly, as if answering the cries of my hungry stomach…a bunch of kids started from the far end of all rows…placing plates (actually they were a bunch of dry leaves stapled together...not plates) in front of all guests. In a similar fashion, the food started getting served…what’s on the menu you ask:
1) Boiling hot boiled rice…the first thing to hit my plate
2) Yellow coloured water pretending to be daal…stuff that scalttered all over the flat plate as soon as it was poured…had to curl my hands around the plate to stop it from falling off
3) Rotis…nice tawa rotis…ohh it had been soo long…
4) A sabzi I’ve yet not been able to identify

Ok..now all I need is a spoon..and I shall dig in…’arre chamach lao jaldi…’
Prakash (his hand full of rice and daal stopping mid way to his mouth):’boss, haath se hi khana hai’
Ohh…ok…I had no problems with that…except that I’d been out in the field all day and not washed my hands…but whatever man…and I dug in…

Believe you me…it was PURE BLISS…to a man surviving on hotel food for 2 weeks…it was something money really couldn’t buy…and I’d forgotten how eating with one’s hands (expecially extremely dirty ones) just doubles the taste…orgasmic is the word…orgasmic!!!

So obviously…one serving wasn’t going to be enough…and again, as an instant answer…I saw a young lad serving daal in our row…he was walking with a container in his hand and serving those who asked for daal. I couldn’t figure what the people were saying…but I thought what else could it be but – ‘daal dedo’ or something. So the kid comes to me….and very politely I say, “daal dal do”…and well…he ignores me and walks past!! Didn’t he hear me…wtf!

Deepak:’Boss, ye sab Ram ke bhakt hain…yahan har cheez mangne ke liye…Raam naam jodna hota hai …dekho..’
He shouted – “DaalRaam….ChawalRaam”
And voila…he gets served…amazing!!
I don’t know how many times I said DaalRaam…RotiRaam…SabziRaam….that night….All I know is that I got up a satisfied man…

Two things that came to my mind once my stomach was full to the brim and my mind back up and running:
1) There were a lot of people in the crowd outside who looked like affording two meals a day was an uphill task for them…they were the ones who were desperately pushing to get in…I know it sounds AWFULLY senti…but I hope they all got in..that I didn’t take one of their spots
2) Food…I guess…is the only thing that can make an atheist like me say ‘Raam’ so many times!